Florida Gator Early Damn Early Projections

The Florida Gators ended a 2011-2012 season 11-2, with the only losses coming to the hated Leghumpers in the Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and to the Gators former Defensive Coordinator and now head coach of the Louisiana Cardinals in the Sugar Bowl.

Losing to the Leghumpers two years in a row and losing to the Cardinals in the fashion that happened in the SuperDome in New Orleans… isnt exactly appetizing to Gators. That said, last season was anything but a failure. Going 11-1 in the SEC is quite an accomplishment no matter how you look at it. Going from 7-6 to 11-1 in a years time is even more impressive.

Overall the SEC compiled a record of 111-68. There was not as great a separation between the East and West this past season as we have seen seasons prior. The SEC East ended with 55-34 (Kentucky had 10 of those losses alone) and 4 bowl eligible teams. The SEC West had only one more win, 56-34,and only one more bowl eligible team. However, 4 teams from the SEC East made the final Top 25 of both the AP and USA Today Coaches poll, compared to only 3 for the SEC West.

Even though the SEC and National Champion came from the West… I’m giving the edge to… the SEC East.

The Gators begin their 2013 season spring practice slated to begin on March 13, 2013. Why not look at the coming season and make some damn early projections of the coming season?

8/31 Tulane (2-10) W 1-0

Tulane, was awful. You know how awful your program is when you go 2-10 in C-USA. They are so bad I don’t even have the heard to mock their team.

9/7 @scUM (7-5) W 2-0

Things are still very uneasy in South Florida. Recruiting has taken a hit because of impending doom coming their way. But.. lets face it… this is an interstate rivalry. They hate us. We hate them. They are still pissed we kicked their ass in The Swamp. We want to embarrass them on their turf. Gators will be bigger, better and motivated. This game might be close to start, but I predict the Gators, with a deeper and better talent, will pull away with the “W”.


9/21 Vawls (5-7) W 3-0

Dooley really had this team on the right track in my opinion. The problem with the Vawls is.. they just couldn’t close out games. They should have beaten Mizzou. Now the Vawls are in the midst of a major coaching change, lots of turnover on personnel after Bray and Hunter both leave for the NFL. A team already depleted of depth, just fell into a worse situation. Its gonna be another tough year for the Vawls – and they wont be bowl eligible again after 2013.

9/28 @Kensucky (2-10) W 4-0

Here is just how bad SEC basement dweller Kensucky KittyCats were in 2012. They only had 2 wins. Neither in the SEC. They lost to Vandy 40-0, Dooley-less Vawls 37-17, Arkansas 49-7, and lost to Western Kentucky… in overtime. Needless to say, Joker Phillips was let go and enter Mark Stoops, former Defensive Coordinator at FSUcks. Stoops did manage to entice some decent football talent to enroll up in Lexington… but it still won’t be enough. Kentucky does not make a bowl game in 2013.

10/5 WooWeLikeBacon (4-8) W 5-0

2012 was not exactly the season the Piggies had in mind. They went from National Championship contenders… to not even becoming bowl eligible. That is all due to the brilliant (not really) and not so covert escapades of Bobby Petrino. John L Smith came in as interim coach… and well… theres a reason he’s not a head coach in Division 1 any longer. Enter Bret Bielema… and in my opinion… the BaconBits suddenly become interesting… maybe even scary. Bielema’s brand of football will fit in well in the SEC, and once he gets his kind of players in house… the HamHocks will challenge Bama, LSU, and A&M. That will take time, and the DogTreats (get it? Pig Ears.. oh nevermind) have a long road to getting back on track. This game has the probability of giving me a heartattack (like the last time the hogs were in The Swamp)… but the Gators will have it rolling by then.

10/12 @LSWho (10-3) L 5-1

The Gators travel to Baton Rouge to face the Kitty Litters. The Gators held the Tiggers to 6 points in The Swamp. I don’t think it will quite be that easy this go around. While I do believe the Gators will be improved in 2013… so will the HairBalls. Never easy to play in Death Valley, and the Gators will still be relatively young. Tiggers pull out a close win in the final minutes.

10/19 @Mizzery (5-7) W 6-1

The Battle of the Super Journalism Schools continues! KittyLitter North got a pretty rude awakening in their first SEC season and were one win away from becoming bowl eligible. Hairball North gave the Gators a bit of a scare in 2012, and this time the Gators travel to Columbia. Mizzou will scare again, and be bowl eligible, but not because they beat the Gators.



Welcome my friends… to yet another Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party from lovely Jacksonville, Fl where the Mighty Gators will face the SlobberMutts in yet other battle between bitter rivals. The Mutts managed to squeak out two lucky wins two years in a row and earned them a bid to represent the East in the SEC Championship game… where they came up 5 yards short. As if this game wasn’t already circled on every Orange and Blue bloods calendars, the Gators should be extra angry and motivated. The Leghumpers will be depleted due to NFL departures, so therefore I suspect this will be a season the PoundPuppies sit and heel. Gators, however, will probably be beaten up, but still win by 10.

11/9 Commodes (9-4) W 8-1

Well well well… look at the TidyBowl Men gettin all bowl eligible and winning, shuttin the Vawls down.. and makin fans of some opposing teams sweat a little more than they are accustomed too. That being said, Gators handled Vandy 31-17 in Opryland, and I suspect after an early typical Homecoming scare… the Gators handle business convincingly.

11/16 @SCar (11-2) W 9-1

The Gators literally shut down and dominated the Chickens in The Swamp in 2012. Ya think the guy, and head ball coach, who gave Ben Hill Griffin its nickname is gonna forget that? Um no. This will be a keep the Nitro in your hand at all times kinda game, this year in the other Columbia. The Cockadoodledoos will be rabid.. but I think the Gators squeak this out in a late field goal attempt and the EMT en route to transport me to the ER. This win cements the Gators return to Atlanta to face their SEC West foe in the SEC Championship Game.

11/23 Jawjuh Suthun W 10-1

The Eagles come to Gainesville totally over matched… Gator starters will be pulled after the 3rd quarter… and Gators cruise to a huge win while the Gator band does their best to keep the crowd from taking a nap.

11/20 FSUcks (11-2) W 11-1

After shoving a win down the Smellinoles throats on Blobby Bowden field was the perfect ending to such a fantastic turnaround season. Its just too bad the Gators didnt follow that up with a win in New Orleans. The Criminoles return to The Swamp in 2013 after yet another fairly decent recruiting season haul. But, there is some turnover in staff, after Mark Stoops bolted to his first head coaching job at Kensucky, taking some assistants with him. The last trip the Tallawhackians made to The Swamp they left with a “W”… that wont happen this go around. And I predict, that FSU may not even make the ACC Championship game.

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